Jade the Mermaid
by Stutley Constable
Summary: OST spoilers. Jack, three goats, a sinking boat, a mermaid. What do you get? Not what you might expect. This is in answer to the latest challenge from the Black Pearl forum.


**Legal Note:** I do not own any of the characters associated with Pirates of the Carribean. I do not have any legal right to use them or any other proprietary words originating from these movies. This story was done just for the fun of it. Not for profit.

**Jade the Mermaid**

"Bloody boat! Why did you pick this one, Jack? Damn!" Jack Sparrow was cursing his misfortune and his poor judgement. On a night like this, why had he chosen such a craft as this old pig of a jolly boat? "Because it was drawn up on shore far away from the farmer's cottage, that's why."

With the fog setting in around him and the moon not even a quarter full, there was little light that could reach him from the distant shore of Tortuga Harbor. Mr. Gibbs had been right about the goats but neither of them had had enough money to purchase anything after they had gotten the only crossbow in the islands. That was itself a decrepit thing left over from when the Spaniards had ruled the Spanish Main. Good Lord! What had he been thinking? The goats were bleating with every rocking of the boat and the more he bailed the more the goats bleated. He really needed to be rowing the boat but every time he did that more water seeped in between the half rotted planks of the bottom. The little jolly boat had been left on shore in the sun too long. Her wood had dried and shrunk so much the calk had fallen out. Naturally, in his rush to escape the pursuit of the farmer, Jack had not taken the time to inspect the little craft for seaworthiness. At least the oars had been stuck in the sand next to it.

Having gotten the water level in the bottom down to ankle deep Jack set to rowing once more. The tide was carrying him too far to the port and he had to fight for every foot of way he could get. His back was already aching and he wondered for the hundredth time why he had not planned things out more fully. It was no good. The water was filling the boat again and it was coming faster than before. Soon the waves would wash over the gunwale and swamp her. Jack had to stop rowing and bail like mad. He was in the middle of pitching yet another bucketful over the side when out of the corner of his eye he caught movement. A head with long black hair appeared above the gunwale just in time for the bucket to splash it full in the face. Jack jumped back reaching for his pistol. A mermaid! Not good. Quick as he could Jack cocked the weapon and pulled the trigger. Nothing but a click. He didn't even get sparks. The weapon was wet and could not fire.

"Bugger!" Jack moaned with dread as he locked eyes with the girlish creature in the water. "Now she'll smile. Oh, bugger."

She did smile eventually. It was a moment for her to shake the water from her eyes and rearrange her hair into something more presentable. Her lips were as red as over ripe strawberries and her eyes a deep, luminous green. The fog had mysteriously cleared and there was a faint luminous glow in the air around the boat. By this light Jack could see wet, black hair that hung down into the water over flawless skin. She was perfection. Jack knew he was surely doomed. Nothing that pretty could ever be trusted.

"Hello," said the mermaid.

"'Ello, luv," Jack tried his best, inoffensive smile crossed with that one he knew worked so well when he found it useful to apologize for some offense or other. "I didn't see you there until it was too late. Couldn't stop the bucket and all. No harm meant."

"It's alright," the mermaid laughed. Her voice was as sweet as the tinkling of silver bells. "I live in the water."

"I see," Jack said and carefully shoved his pistol into his sash. "Well, nice to have bumped into you, luv, but I really must get going. Time and tide and all that."

"You called me 'Love'," the mermaid giggled. "Are you my jolly sailor bold?"

"Your jolly what?" Jack asked as he reached for his oars. If this one was as dim as she sounded he might just escape before she could drag him into the depths and feast on his ever so precious flesh. It was bad enough that he faced drowning in the company of three bleating goats without adding the possibility of being cut and quartered to make a late Sunday dinner for a fish person.

"My jolly sailor bold," she replied innocently. "Like in the song?"

"The song?" Jack tried to remember the tune but all that came to mind was the one about devils, black sheep and really bad eggs. That one always seemed to get stuck in his head. It probably had something to do with the line 'Drink up me hearties! Yo ho!' "Um... No, actually. I don't think I know that one."

"Oh," the mermaid pouted. "I thought all of you men knew that one. Even that stupid old Philip that Syrena brought down knew some of it."

Jack froze with his hands upon the oars. Slowly his head turned and he looked the mermaid in the eyes.

"You know Syrena?" Jack asked. He felt it was a silly question even as he asked it but it seemed the right one somehow.

"Of course I know her," the mermaid said with a very slight smile. "We're sisters. She found that land walker Philip and I thought I might find one that was even prettier than him. One that was more manly. So I came up just to have a look and here you were trying to row this silly old boat over to that island. And you do have pretty eyes."

"Well, actually, luv, I was bailing it out when you popped up," Jack said sheepishly. "See, it's got some holes in it and it's taking on water almost too fast for me to keep up with it and row at the same time."

"What happens when it fills up?" the mermaid asked looking into the boat and at the foot of water that was gradually increasing in depth.

"I suppose when that happens me and the goats have a very long swim to get home," Jack told her. "Not anything you could, maybe, do about it, is there?"

"What do I get if I do?" she asked coyly.

"What is it that a beautiful young maid of the sea could possibly want from such a man as I?" Jack countered. He felt that flattery might just be able to get him to shore in one piece.

"Syrena got a name when she met one of your kind," said the mermaid.

"A name? Haven't you got a name?" Jack asked more to be polite than out of curiosity.

"Yes, but I don't like it," she said.

"I'm sure it's a beautiful name." Jack casually scooped a bucket of water from around his shins and poured it over the side. "It would have to be for such a lovely thing as you. What is it?"

Bashful and blushing, she smiled demurely up at the Lord of the Caribbean. The noise that emanated from that too beautiful mouth nearly split Jack's head apart. He cast down the bucket and slammed his hands over his ears in panic. He felt sure he was going to soil himself and he did not want to go to wherever he was bound with fouled breaches. After what felt like a short eternity she stopped whatever it was she was doing and Jack could lower his hands. Panting and bewildered he looked at her in some distress.

"I see why you don't like it, luv." Jack's voice was husky. He felt as though he would proceed to vomit. He really did not wish to do so since he had paid good money for the rum now residing in his stomach but if he must, then he must. He waited disconsolately for some sign that would warn him of such a disaster.

"I'd really like a different name," the mermaid said shyly.

"I don't blame you." Jack could think of a few things he might call her but at the moment there were none that were complimentary. "What name would you like then, eh?"

"I want something personal," she said. "Something unusual. Something that's just about me."

Jack considered a minute. What would be fitting? Her hair was as dark as a raven's wing, but given that mermaids were creatures of the sea he felt that Raven would not be a good name for her. Her skin was a pail and smooth as cream, but the sea creature thing still made him feel that naming her Cream wasn't right. What kind of name would that be anyway? Then he glanced at her eyes. Deep green. Deep enough to drown in but green. He flogged his mind for anything. The water was rising to the thwart and he knew that he would only have a moment more to get help or to start swimming.

"I have it!" Jack barked startling the girl. "How about Jade?"

"Jade?" the mermaid asked.

"It's for the color of your eyes, darling," Jack said encouraginly.

She considered. It sounded nice enough. Nicer than Syrena, anyway. "Jade. I like that."

"Good!" Jack enthused. "Now, about our bargain..."

"Oh!" she giggled and promptly dove under the boat. Jack wasn't sure if she had just left him or if something else were going on but he reached for the bucket and began bailing again. With the first bucketful over the side he felt the jolly boat rise disproportionately in the water. It rose up and he began to bail even more furiously. The boat was moving now, quite swiftly towards the shore. The goats milled around a bit in the sloshing water and began their incessant bleating again. Perhaps, since they had to begin it again, it wasn't actually incessant? These sorts of thoughts always seemed to crowd into Jack's mind at the worst possible moments. He thrust it aside as the beach came in sight. He was actually going to make it!

Beneath the keel of the decrepit old boat Jack heard the sound of sand grating on wood and the boat slammed to a stop sending the goats tumbling into his knees. They were now bleating in alarm. Slightly shaken and much jarred Jack still had the presence of mind to gather up their lead ropes before he stood and stepped over the side onto the firm sand of the beach. He turned as he heard the wet slap of a fin hitting the sand just past the waterline. There was Jade in all her fishy glory.

"Um..." Jack began at a loss for the proper words. "Thank you, luv. Thanks for all your help. I shall remember you in case we ever meet again."

"What?" Jade cried in alarm. "But! You're my jolly sailor bold. I love you!"

"I do too. Good luck and I hope you enjoy the name," Jack called over his shoulder as he strode up the beach towards the town.

"Wait!" Jade cried out. "You were supposed to come with me!"

"Not part of the bargain, deary," Jack called again. "Nice meeting you, though."

"Poo!" Jade snorted. Now what was she going to show her sister? Well, at least she'd gotten a name out of it. She'd get the next one. Jade slid back into the water and began searching again. She'd get the next one and he would fall in love with her or she would eat him. It was just that simple.


End file.
